yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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