The maid of honor just puked.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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