He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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