im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
