So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize