i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
