Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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