so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
