we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize