At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When are your genitals available?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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