tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
