I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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