You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
