So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
