I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
