Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
