Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
