i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
