So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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