a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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