It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
