dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
