It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize