I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
