dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
