Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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