I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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