Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
