speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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