I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
