Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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