its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
