based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Farmville is her only friend.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
