i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
