I have demons in me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
