They should really pass out barf bags in church
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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