Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Randomize
