you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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