perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
