I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
