I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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