Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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