i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
