My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
