just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
