rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
