it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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