Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
