captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
