Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
