Im at strip club and am horny
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
