keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Drake has all the answers
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
