My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
