Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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