i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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