I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
