Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
