also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
