i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
