Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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