I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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