But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
