butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I am one with the molecules
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
