She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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