I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
