You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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