i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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