I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
