Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
