My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
