Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize