I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
